Avatar

Sapphire Clawe

@sapphireclawe

A hodgepodge, and I need to learn how this works... She/her
Avatar
Avatar
caoten

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

Avatar
azem-ghale
Avatar

We have to keep reblogging this so future historians will read it and puzzle endlessly over its meaning

Avatar
moodycow210

The heavy implication that historical ‘abstract’ poetry that people have been analysing for ages without being able to conclude the meaning could have just been shitpost level in-jokes between poets is sending me.

Avatar

You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.

Avatar

"So is that everything, Doctor?" Lizbert asks, analyzing her current batch of bandages around her arm. "Or is there something else that I should be checked for? Like perhaps a kiss to ward off the Grump Ness Monster?" She leans in, only to be met with a giggle and a bottle of antibiotics shoved into her hands.

"Lizbert, you got bitten by Grump knows what earlier, no kisses until you get medically cleared! Don't make me restrain you!" The adventurer blinks with a blush spreading across her face as Dr. Eggabell Batternugget mentions an odd past time of theirs. The doctor takes Lizbert's hand and chuckles, a similar blush racing across her own cheeks.

"Well maybe the great Elizabert Megafig wants to be restrained, Eggabell. After all, it passes the time in recovery, right?"

"Only if the restraints are all you're getting. I also don't want to catch whatever bit you's potential diseases."

"Awww, fine. I'll stick around a bit. Besides, I was planning out an expedition, to start a settlement of our own in the wild unknown! Snaktooth Island!" The adventurer pulls out a jar with a few holes popped into the lid, and a wriggling fruit with eyes.

"Strabby strabby strabby!" Eggabell yelps as she's presented with this... thing, that her girlfriend just up and handed her.

"WHAT IS THAT THING, LIZBERT!?" To the poor doctor's dismay, Lizbert opens the jar and hands the thing to her.

"It's delicious, that's what it is! It's a Bugsnax, and it's living food! Think about the possibilities of ending world hunger with these things! One could keep you going for ages!" She looks at her egg shaped lover, adventure gleaming in her eyes.

Well... down the hatch, I guess...

"Soooooo, how is it, Eggabell?" Lizbert asks, holding the doctor's hands, and watching one of them turn into strawberries.

"Delicious! But you said something about a settlement on a faraway island? You're gonna need a doctor, aren't you?" She continues rambling about various ways Lizbert could get hurt, or worse, before she's cut off with a kiss.

"You can come with, you just had to ask!"

Avatar
Avatar
femmefaramir

older lotr illustrations sometimes depict éowyn wearing ridiculously small armour. apart from the problem general sexualisation of the only female character (who really does anything), there’s another hilarious thought:

éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.

therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that:

there’s a thundering sound in the distance as the rohirrim ride into war but rather than hoofbeats it’s the collective sound of all their cheeks clapping

the artist for this particular piece is Frank Frazetta and to be fair to him this is how he drew the orcs armor 

so the rohirrim comment is probably not that far off

That’s a man who just straight up had a problem with the concept of wearing pants into battle, and I respect that

Avatar
cumaeansibyl

male or female

hero or villain

sea or land

even in the snow

I guarantee you Frazetta’s Rohirrim were 100% pants-free

Avatar
missmollyetc

Good Old Frank. That man loved bodies and hated clothes so much

Frank Frazetta was the reason He-Man was designed like that; the producers conduct a study to see what art appeal the most to children, and Frank’s work came out on top in popularity. So everyone in He-Man is dressed the way they are directly because of Frazetta.

That man gave us the gift of warrior thighs and tits for everyone.

Ah, it has been too long since I have seen the no pants post on my dash. And yes, this is a rare case where it wasn’t some sexist nonsense but an egalitarian No Pants Agenda.

Avatar

(◡‿◡✿)

(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ “hold my flower”

✿\(。-_-。) “Kick his ass, baby.  I got yo flower.”

i found it

the original post

i found it

this should have the opportunity to be on everyone’s blog. 

*tour guide voice*

and here on the left ladies and gentlemen, you see one of the posts before everyone went batshit crazy

World Heritage Post

Avatar
peachdoxie

Everyone here is dead.

Avatar

Is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad

Avatar
cacen

malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated

Avatar
smattenhove

smad.

there are two types of people

i’ve only seen this legendary post in screenshots

It’s always so cool when you find these legendary posts and the OPs are not deactivated. It’s like, the gods still walk among us.

Avatar

All my homies hate PETA.

To clarify: “exotics owners” does not refer to people who own animals completely unsuited to be pets (big cats, primates, etc). In the vet world, anything that’s not a dog, cat, or farm animal is called an exotic, even something as mundane as a guinea pig. PETA hates pet ownership in general, but they’re especially hostile toward anything non-traditional, even if it’s completely possible to house ethically, like a ball python or bearded dragon.

So if you own a corn snake, congratulations, you’re an exotics owner and PETA has written an article on how terrible you are.

Since this post is getting a ton of notes again and everyone is misunderstanding what I meant by “exotics.”

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.