The Onion pulling zero fucking punches.

whats the loudest reocurring noise that happens near ur house for example i live next to an airport so its definitely the planes

tumblr simulator

lesbians vs vegetarians

Pride (2014) dir. Matthew Warchus

Derry Girls (2018 - ) dir. Michael Lennox

Had the funniest possible interaction in Gay's the Word the other day (literally the same bookshop featured in the first film) - one of the booksellers I was chatting to was about to give me recommendations for good local lunch places, then suddenly paused. Squinted.

"Are you... vegetarian?"

Reader, I had not said anything in the conversation thus far to lead her to believe this. We met 5 minutes ago. All she had to go was on was my knock-off-Alison-Bechdel-looking ass and the fact that I write sapphic historical fiction.

I mean, she wasn't wrong,,

Reading Queen of the Damned rn and I am ON. THE. FLOOR. at this fucking 500yo grown ass vampire painstakingly feeding individual paper towels to the garbage disposal at 1am. Daniel. Hello, Daniel. Wake up, I need you to purchase some more food coloring for me Daniel. I saw an interesting recipe for glitter slime on the TikTok which I am interested in trying. And then I shall put it down the Garbage Disposer and listen to the delightful sound. Daniel please

first of all you're so spot-on about the damage

second: on it

OP, dearest, idk how powerful a garbage disposer should be, but this image consumed my mind, ok..?

My family has started calling my cat "the beast" which is very funny considering she's a 19yo arthritic old lady who needs help up and down the stairs. Not to mention she doesn't really meow any more, just sits and stares at you, and im the only one who can reliably guess what she wants, so my parents are constantly messaging me "The beast awakens... I know not what she desires 😥😥" i feel like the chosen prophet of an eldritch god

Nay, verily... I have noted the position of the stars, and determined rather that The Beast Hungers... for her nightly plate of wet food

@calamitytrios @shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey The people have spoken

Behold, The Beast

In King Ludwig II’s defense, if I had basically infinite discretionary funds, was accountable to absolutely no one, and was king of a country full of picturesque landscapes, you couldn’t stop me from building myself a big gay fairytale castle on a mountaintop either.

This post is spreading and I feel bad about it because it contains misinformation, so for the record: Ludwig II did not in fact have infinite discretionary funds. He only acted as if he did. He never dipped into the public coffers for his building projects, but he spent his own fortune extravagantly and borrowed heavily from everyone he could think of. By 1885, the year before his death, he was 14 million marks in debt.

~ ✨✨ 14 million marks in debt ✨✨~

Democracy is when one insane billionaire gets to decide if an entire category of people get basic dignity and rights

THIS is presumably why she's endorsing the communist party publically btw.

It's not hurr durr Joanne's going off to become a communist lol.

it's a massive labour donor publicly threatening to pull all support until Labour promises to make policy in line with her views.

Oh look.

Queer books for everyone, everywhere, all the time!! that’s the goal 🌈🎯

actually i think graduates of a university should have access to the library databases forever and ever amen

apparently someone in Edinburgh has been updating the street signs for pride

I cannot stop thinking about that one passage from Queen of the Damned 😭

This is one of the funniest noises I've ever heard in my life

for the love of god unmute

Dick Grayson on his third metal breakdown this week

I cannot stop thinking about that one passage from Queen of the Damned 😭