Shazam definitely has a verified twitter account & it's one of the more popular official superhero twitter accounts bcos Billy just posts whatever the fuck he wants
i just want an AU where the justice league figure out there is SOME sort of connection between Captain Marvel/Shazam and this one 10 year old and someone starts getting a little too close to the truth (or a particularly outrageous falsehood) for comfort so Shazam just kind of...
"oh yeah I'm actually Billy's imaginary friend."
"what."
"Yeah, the kid's lined up to be a super powerful wizard and all that someday, but in the meantime all that 'magical potential' has to go somewhere, or something, y'know?"
"wait. wait. oh my god. this is why you just disappear when you're off duty and batman hasn't been able to find your secret identity????"
"haha yeah for sure. no secret identity i totally just stop existing entirely. yup."
"doesn't that bother you?"
"no? why would it?"
#cuz like ''the manifestation of a particularly magical 10 year old's idea of a perfect hero'' isn't unbelievable in universe#and anyone ever thinks to accuse him of being a child he can just be like ''yall we've BEEN OVER THIS.''#yeah of course he's a lil childish a child came up with him#why would it be unethical to go into battle with him he's an imaginary friend not a real kid#No Billies Were Harmed In The Making Of This Superhero#shazam
Wonder Woman: Hey shazam what Greek gods do you get your powers from?
Shazam: Well I got my powers from Zeus, Mercury, Solomon, Hercules, Achilles and Atlas
Wonder Woman: .....
Wonder Woman: Half those guys are Roman and one of them is a Jewish king
Shazam: Okay? And what do you want me to call them "The European peninsulas and some guy from Israel"
Imagine Cap's identity reveal happening years later when he's already over 18. Like, they would have been working together for a whole decade, laughed together, cried together, introduced him to their spouses etc and then suddenly. Boom, lightning, and he's actually some college kid. The whole League immediately starts panicking and doing the math in their head while Billy's just like-
"Statue of limitations", with a shit eating grin preferably. Come on, he's been losing sleep over this for years, now's their turn to let it mess with their heads.
Imagine them calling it a day and going home, trying to relax after that hectic mess and then it suddenly hits them-
Clark staring at the ceiling in his pajamas, "I punched a 10 year old once. And really hard too."
Wally stress eating cereal, "I always liked the guy because I felt we were on the same wavelength. What does that say about me that I can hang with a literal sixth grader and not even mind? No, wait, don't answer that."
Arthur venting to Mara, "I had lengthy discussions trying to convince a twelve year old to go out for drinks, on multiple occasions."
Most of Young Justice, "he's younger than me and he's been the on-and-off again den mom for years!"
Question number 1: does captain marvel have finger prints?
Question 2: if yes, are they the same as Billy’s?
Now imagine the jl runs a background check on their newest member captain marvel and what comes back is a match for a 12 year old run away from the foster system with chargers of minor theft and trespassing
*at some kind of fancy event*
Shazam: *about to go in on the free wine*
Batman: *taking the glass out of his hand* No.
Shazam: aw
Rest of the Justice League: ???
Shazams got some strange villains
Shazam: Not that I want more villains in the world but damn I wish some of mine would just, I don't know, rob a bank or have a silly gimmick or something! Like geez.
Shazam: All of my villains want me dead or dissected! Just once I would like to stop a guy in a colourful costume with an silly name from stealing an artifact related to their gimmick.
The justice league: .....................
Shazam: And banter! I would kill to have some playful banter with my villains but none of them understand my references! They're all either demons, aliens, old as balls or all three!! IT SUCKS!
The Justice League:...................
Shazam: THEY THINK VINE IS JUST A PLANT!!!!!
Superman: Wait wait wait, what's vine if not a plant???
Shazam: I didn’t even do anything to them they just hate me just because I exist or because of my proximity to the guy who gave me powers! I had no control over that!!
Shazam: If I got a list of terms and conditions that said accepting may result in literal demons that want to eat me and the guy who had the job first doing his best to see my head separated from my shoulders I might have reconsidered!!
Flash: Wait really???
Shazam: eh probably not, I can eat bullets now its pretty sick.
Shazam: Even if there were a list of terms and conditions I wouldn't have read it lmao.
Batman: ...Captain, did you not get a choice in your powers?
Zatanna: Hold on did you say demons are trying to EAT YOU?!?!?!
#billy batson#zatanna#shazam#captain marvel#superman#batman#flash#black adam#dr sivana#dc comics#the eating bullets thing is a reference to an old Mary marvel panel where she literally picks bullets out of the air and eats them#absolute queen#billy got some weird villains#like none of them just want to chill and steal from a jewelry store or violently save the whales they all hate him in particular#not even for anything in particular that he's done#asghjafsggajfs#mine#words#is the mention of vine dated now???#do 10-14 year old not care about vine??#oh god they probably don't do they??#its all about TikTok now#its to late im not changing it
By some twist of fate, Wally overhears Shazam admit that he has 6 siblings and Hal overhears Batman saying to Superman—in a very broken, tired, fatherly mansplaining tone—that he has 7 children.
Dots are connected. This does not end well for anyone.
A little continuation of this post if Jason can't share any of Shazams powers he will simply become his sidekick
Shazam has a Twitter and everything he posts is just straight up lies but nobody can figure out if he has a super weird life or if he’s messing with all of them (it’s both)
Justice League moments caught on live television
Captain Marvel: Can we get cheeseburgers after this?
Batman: You had cheeseburgers for lunch.
Captain Marvel: So?
Batman: *long sigh*
—————
Wonder Woman, to herself: I have the patience of the gods and the kindergarten teachers.
*proceeds to break up argument between Batman and Superman*
—————
Flash: Well how was I supposed to know which one you meant?
Green Arrow: How hard is it to figure out “Meet us in Washington.”
Flash: Hey, there’s lots of Washingtons, alright?
Superman: Yeah. At least forty three.
Green Arrow:
Superman: That I didn’t stop in before I got here.
Green Arrow:
Flash: Hey, it could have been the one in Sussex.
Green Arrow: You both understand this is why Batman hates us, right?
—————
Hawkwoman: You can’t live off of that stuff.
Martian Manhunter, eating from a party size package of Oreos: You don’t know that.
—————
Batman: I have kryptonite, you know.
Superman: And Nightwing knows where it is.
Batman: *shocked gasp*
—————
Black Canary: *fighting a bunch of robots*
Green Lantern: Hey do you think if we tried turning them off and back on again-
Black Canary: This is NOT the time.
Green Lantern: Hey, I’m just saying. It worked for the watchtower.
Black Canary: It worked because we spent three weeks fixing it.
Green Lantern: Okay, yes, but technically-
—————
Batman and Green Arrow: *emerge from a collapsed building*
Green Arrow: Our kids are never letting us live this down.
Batman: Assuming they find us in the first place.
Green Arrow: You can’t always run away from your problems! It didn’t work in high school, and it’s not-
Batman: I didn’t hear from you for a decade so I’d say it worked out fine.
—————
Aquaman, muttering: I have no idea where I am.
—————
Flash: Okay but how are we counting how many times we’ve died?
Green Lantern: Do alternate dimensions count? Because that’s going to change a few people’s numbers.
Superman, nodding: We’ll have to lay down some ground rules.
Billy Batson can never grow up because it's just not funny. Like oh, this guy says a magic word and then transforms into a slightly buffer guy? I am snoring. I am tossing the comic away in disgust. He's gotta be a little guy. He's gotta be a little shit. He's gotta be an angelic ten year old. He's been to juvie. He doesn't understand taxes. He could kill a man. He chooses not to. He still sleeps with a stuffed animal. If a League member yells at him he will cry. He'll leave them contemplating their own existence. He'll put shaving cream in their shoes.
Batman: Shazam, Status report.
Shazam: Overall, like a 7/10 day…..A nice lady gave me a hotdog and I was able to play with Tawny! The -3 points is because Green Lantern said he preferred Flash’s Lightning over mine. I don’t know why he even told me that, like it wasn’t helpful or nice? So just keep it to yourself? Anyways, it was a good day. Thanks for asking. :)
Batman: I- (sigh) I meant a physical status report.
Shazam: oh I got stabbed lol
10/10 brilliant save. The wisdom of Solomon, everybody