I've lost control of my life 🌸🌸

so when I was a kid I remember reading a scary story (I *think* from a book of scary stories for kids) that left an *extremely* vivid impression on me

(cn for cartoonish gore/animal harm:)

in which a dog got cut in half lengthwise and the owner quickly slapped him back together and wrapped him up to heal and only discovered afterwards that he was put together upside down with 2 lega up and 2 legs down and half a head in each direction

and then I think the end of the story was just the dog being fine and happy like this and flipping back and forth to run around

and I also think I remember the book having black and white playful line drawing illustrations a la shel silverstein and it might possibly have been meant to be funny rather than scary (????)

but every time I have ever tried to look up where it came from I haven't been able to find *anything* like this, leaving me to wonder where on earth i got this extremely bizarre story from

has anybody else ever heard of this

what the heck was this

am I crazy

Omg, thank you! This has been driving me nuts for years

Hmm, I can't find any good images or excerpts of the story online so clearly I need to get my hands on this book....

Found a used copy of the book for $10!

I can now re-visit my childhood, and also impose it on all of you

And also specifically @nekosd43 @furretfluff and @spockandawe :p

The Split Dog as told by Richard Chase

Full pics and text below the cut, because, uh-- well, the story is told in a light-hearted manner, but let's just say I can see why it left a lasting impression on me. The illustrations are fairly body horror-y. It's a children's book, but it is also a cut in half dog so....

I just want y'all to know my mom came over and she was like "oh what's this book?"

and she opened it directly to this story because that's what I had bookmarked and she was like "??? daughter, what the hell"

In honor of our very first sneak peek of the movie Wicked, my nostalgia kicked into high gear and I'm honoring one of my earliest fandom crazes with a silly little comic I'm calling "Fiyero Doesn't Get Enough Recognition For All The Shit He's Been Through."

Enjoy Fiyero having the weirdest 72 hours of his life.

Sequel comic here.

Let us suppose that the "average" horse would have equal proportions of all these parts. The degree to which each part in this poll deviates from the "average" size (20% of total) will determine how large or small that part of our horse will be (i.e a horse with only 10% in Legs will have legs half the size of the average horse).

I will draw a picture of the horse we make!

Thank you for your patience, tumblr. I have been at work all day but now I am home and ready to build this horse you asked for.

First, let's pull up the poll results alongside an average looking horse. I have calculated the size of each part of our horse in relation to Average Size.

Next we will adjust our horse's components according to the specifications.

Finally, let us properly assemble these parts and see how it looks.

And there you have it. Great work team. No notes.

wait this is such a perfect use of my pony model

-> ponyy model with armature

-> edit and add hair

and the beautiful reveal

At some point in your life, you were taught that being slightly annoying is an unforgivable sin. Maybe it was by your parents or a teacher or a friend or a bully or an older sibling. But someone taught you that being slightly annoying is a crime punishable by death.

You must unlearn this.

You must accept that all people will be annoying at some point or another in their lives, maybe all of their lives, and that this is okay. It is okay for strangers on the bus, it is okay for children in the grocery store, it is okay for people on social media, and it is okay for you.

If you ever want to truly love your fellow humans, if you ever want to truly love yourself, you must have forgiveness for being annoying.

what the fuck

#it’s NOT inexplicable#it’s bc someone based it on the unicode 6 yellow heart#which is colorless but shaded with halftone dots#and someone interpreted that like stubble#and drew this#which is SO FUCKING FUNNY via @animusbell

Yes

Allow me to elucidate, @a-sour-nectarine

When most people "roll their eyes", they flick their eyes directly upward, usually as far as they comfortably go, then resume looking normally.

When someone who learned the phrase before the behavior does it, they usually go in a circular (ish) motion. Since most eye movements are lines, it's usually pretty triangular: the key points are usually a diagonal up one way, then to the far other side, then to a diagonal low the first way. Thus, the eyes basically make a loop, so they "rolled".

I've found that when people who learned the up-down way first try the circular motion, they might risk motion sickness, so experiment carefully.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOST PEOPLE JUST LOOK UP

y'all, please, people aren't doing this because they learned it "wrong" or too literally, there's just multiple ways to roll your eyes. Everything from the full arc with head roll for emphasis to a quick and abbreviated upwards flick.

like basically every other facial expression, it's a RANGE

what the fuck

#it’s NOT inexplicable#it’s bc someone based it on the unicode 6 yellow heart#which is colorless but shaded with halftone dots#and someone interpreted that like stubble#and drew this#which is SO FUCKING FUNNY via @animusbell

It's really fucked up when you treat characters like people and people like characters.

No seriously it's REALLY fucked up when you treat characters as if they were real live people while you treat people like they're just characters.

I'm gonna go ahead and repeat: it is super, duper, extra scooper fucked up when you treat a character as if it were a living person while treating other human beings who are interacting with you like they are merely characters who can be written out of your personal story if you just find a remark mean enough.

You. You get it.

ETA wait why does this have 18k notes

The point is that they don't fall into the trap of an oppressive society

Svsss power dynamics are absolutely wild, and I've seen another post mention that already, about how every time you think you're seeing a fucked up dynamic, it's actually three layers deeper and flipped and more imbalanced than you could ever imagine

But the point! Is that they live in an environment that is Always giving each character some power over the other person in the relationship! And none of them ever use it

The novel is critiquing these power trip fantasies and the exploitation often seen as inherent in porn and BL and wish fulfillment stories

Sqq was lbh's teacher. There is often abuse inherent in the teacher/student dynamic. Sqq never even considers lbh as a romantic option until they have been apart for years and there is no age gap

Lbh has a tracking device on sqq and the ability to seize control of sqq's body at any time. He never uses this and only wields his blood parasites to heal

Mbj is sqh's boss who regularly heaps too much work onto him and would physically attack him. Mbj's role as boss is never utilized to coerce or manipulate sqh into a romantic relationship. Mbj was engaging in demonic bonding activities that were acceptable within his culture and stopped the Moment he realized that it was not received that way

Sqh invented the world and created his dream man who he is now romancing. He could be considered a god. It could be wish fulfillment. He uses his knowledge to protect mbj's kingdom and mbj himself and takes up a servants role

There are a thousand other tropes in this book like this. You hear student/teacher, god/creation, body control, fuck-or-die, demon lord/prisoner, age difference, corpse in bed, boss/employee, King/servant. You think you know what kind of book this will be, what kind of abuse and power differences there will be

But the point is that they all just love each other instead! The world is Constantly giving them the opportunity to abuse each other, manipulate, take power over another person. And the point is that they all choose to ignore those customs. The teacher just wants to relax and live a simple life. The god wants to serve. The king learns to serve. The demon lord wants nothing more than to leave it all behind and become a housewife

And it works! They get their happy ending! They fix the world by refusing the opportunities to exploit and abuse others

It's beautiful! And it also makes it absolutely impossible to recommend this novel to anyone!

so when I was a kid I remember reading a scary story (I *think* from a book of scary stories for kids) that left an *extremely* vivid impression on me

(cn for cartoonish gore/animal harm:)

in which a dog got cut in half lengthwise and the owner quickly slapped him back together and wrapped him up to heal and only discovered afterwards that he was put together upside down with 2 lega up and 2 legs down and half a head in each direction

and then I think the end of the story was just the dog being fine and happy like this and flipping back and forth to run around

and I also think I remember the book having black and white playful line drawing illustrations a la shel silverstein and it might possibly have been meant to be funny rather than scary (????)

but every time I have ever tried to look up where it came from I haven't been able to find *anything* like this, leaving me to wonder where on earth i got this extremely bizarre story from

has anybody else ever heard of this

what the heck was this

am I crazy

Omg, thank you! This has been driving me nuts for years

Hmm, I can't find any good images or excerpts of the story online so clearly I need to get my hands on this book....

Found a used copy of the book for $10!

I can now re-visit my childhood, and also impose it on all of you

And also specifically @nekosd43 @furretfluff and @spockandawe :p

The Split Dog as told by Richard Chase

Full pics and text below the cut, because, uh-- well, the story is told in a light-hearted manner, but let's just say I can see why it left a lasting impression on me. The illustrations are fairly body horror-y. It's a children's book, but it is also a cut in half dog so....

"under the present brutal and primitive conditions on this planet, every moose you meet should be regarded as one of the walking wounded. we have never seen a moose not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. we have never seen a totally sane moose"

from the fascinatingly depressing section on moose social organization from E. O. Wilson's Sociobiology, which I occasionally open for random animal facts

to be clear I'm aware many species do something like this, it's not just moose. but this hit me through the charismatic megafauna backdoor in the brain, and I became mildly distraught about a species where ¿severe attachment trauma? is a universal part of their life cycle. your mom who was previously fine and took care of you suddenly kicks you out of the house and fights you when you try to come back in through the door

when I infodumped to 81k about this he said "what if moose are really nice but we've never observed their true untraumatized personality"

genuinely irritated about the prevalence of brother-sister character designs where the brother has a huge nose and the sister has a tiny nose. 1) why are you a coward who hates the joy and beauty of women with big noses 2) have you looked at any real human siblings lately 3) why do you appear to think the nose is a secondary sex characteristic

wishing all women with big noses a beautiful day i hope you get everything you want forever and i'm sorry about the rank cowardice of general society you deserve better

Binghe is such an interesting chatacter with the way that him being love brained is the least of anyone's problem. The only way i can describe it is if he was one of those girls that went to a very prestigious university, fell in love with one of his teacher and dropped everything to become a housewife but everyone can agree it was for the best because if he followed the girlboss path hundreds would have died because there's something deeply wrong with him. It's a good day when a character belongs to the kitchen but not because of sexist beliefs but because if they were left yearning out in the wild they'd become a serial killer or some shit like that

Shen Qingqiu throwing himself on that dick for the good of the world like a man smothering a live grenade

Ah, Facebook. The same as ever, I see.

It IS a very long process and very annoying but I did it anyway because fuck generative AI.

> I was working on a whole Homestuck collection, but Eridan Ampora turns out to embody a disproportionately large subset of tumblr users.

good fucking lord