Just some normal healing magic

As well intentioned and (for a certain audience/perspective) right as they are, I just can't follow the advice of those "let yourself be fat" type posts when I know that a large proportion of the people making/sharing them are attracted to me in proportion to how slim they perceive my fat distribution as being.

Like, nobody is obligated to be interested in my body, I do not expect them to, nor do I think that it's their fault if they are less attracted to me because I am fat. Culture is a bitch and brains learn it early.

But by that same token, it's not my fault when the reality of attractiveness standards make that advice impossible for me to follow. Regardless of how the world should be, I have to operate in the one that exists, and if being perceived as desirable as broadly as possible is something I value (it is, increasingly so these days), then I have no choice but to try to lose weight, or at least seek a stable minimum that I can sustain.

Like, there's not really another strategy there that doesn't require a dramatic overhaul of the learned cultural standards that are hard-cemented in the brains of most human beings, no matter how good their intentions.

I will also note that even those who profess to like fat girls typically aren't nearly as hot on deep voiced trans women with tiny boobs and large bellies.

Like yes I imagine many people would reply to this being performatively flirty in response to that description but. Even if that's fully genuine, you know that in terms of engaging with society at large, attractiveness and gender norms absolutely apply.

Not to dissuade or like. Trigger any trans women who want to try to own that body type, or who just want to learn not to care how others see them (and sorry if this all is unhealthy for you to hear, but this is my personal blog and I do diaryblog on it) - I fully support you in going that route. It's just that it's not one that I can walk myself at the moment.

can i please see a fat woman wearing it. yes, i know your sizes go all the way up to 5x. but can i please see a fat woman wearing it. yes, i heard you're woman-owned. can i please see a fat woman wearing it though. yes, i understand you donate 50% of proceeds to this charity. i still do not see a fat woman wearing it. can i please see a fat woman wearing it.

Don't let the propaganda fool you. Being a perverted sex freak is good and healthy actually.

another comic about clayton

yeah i fundamentally just don't gel with posts like this that imply that nature "loves" us or anything. it's a strange kind of love when hurricanes, earthquakes, and volcanos exist. when there are bacteria and viruses that will gladly kill you to produce more of themselves. and of course there's the cosmic threats like stray asteroids or a gamma ray burst.

"nature" doesn't love or hate because only minds can do that. nature just is. and the moralizing that you can only avoid being environmentally destructive by animizing nature in this way really chafes.

like, okay, look at this:

the implied presupposition here is that something being family means that you should have warm fuzzy feelings towards them and that's, uh, not how I feel about some of my own family! conversely, evolutionary "we are all related" is a factual statement about common ancestry. if it turned out that animals, plants, and fungi underwent abiogenesis separately that wouldn't change our moral obligations. "family" as "people you care deeply about" vs. "biological relations".

Mother nature should be arrested for child abuse.

I hate people who make their aesthetic enjoyment of the natural world into a rationale for believing in their moral superiority (unlike those unfeeling inhuman tech bros!!!), because they conflate their personal affection with an understanding of the importance of environmental protection and use the latter to validate imbuing their preferences with a spiritual and moral significance.

Complex mechanical objects and obscure characters are two of the hardest things to generate without Loras, but after a few hours, I managed to get two results I was happy with, and it took only a little tweaking in Paint to achieve a great final result. PonyXL still sucks at curly hair though.

And now I've been blocked by Demily for posting this. Sweet.

Hate that people are like that. Let people express themselves if they want to, it's not like it was a commission or for pay this was literally just you playing around with a software tool.

I hate the story this tells of her searching her own tag and being like "oh cool art" when it catches her attention and then checking the description and blocking you simply because you have interacted with AI.

people seeing some interesting creative work and going "omg the author must be SO horny about this" whenever it's the least bit weird or specific or passionate is starting to feel like a new rendition of "omg the author must have been on drugs to come up with this!!!" whenever something is a little surprising or zany.

I resonate and agree with this but the problematic truth is that when I am writing something with true zeal I often (maybe usually?) am at least a little bit horny about it, lmao.

Afyer discussion with my counsel I've determined the best replacement for "double u" which I think everyone can agree is a terrible and confusing name for the letter. It's wu/woo. Barely a word already, vowel sound is already used in Q and U for consistency, keeps the lips pursed to emphasize it's w-iness. It's a great thing to call it! Go out and woo! If you start teaching kids this maybe the next generation can live a better way

to appease the "double u" partisans, we could make sure to include two u's in the name and make it "uwu"

I have thought a lot about this matter, and my preferred replacement for "W" is "Wey", pronounced like "curds and whey". It's similarly monosyllabic, but ends on a rising tone that I think keeps it more distinct, and indicates that it's its own word more than "wu", which to me gives more the impression of an exclamation or voiced exhalation.

Plus I think that part of the alphabet needs a lighter sound in there. For more balance. A good strong chromatic "E" will bring atouch of bright but stern yellow-grey to that dismally purple part of the alphabet.

After typing that it occurs to me that that was probably kind of an odd thing to say.

Afyer discussion with my counsel I've determined the best replacement for "double u" which I think everyone can agree is a terrible and confusing name for the letter. It's wu/woo. Barely a word already, vowel sound is already used in Q and U for consistency, keeps the lips pursed to emphasize it's w-iness. It's a great thing to call it! Go out and woo! If you start teaching kids this maybe the next generation can live a better way

to appease the "double u" partisans, we could make sure to include two u's in the name and make it "uwu"

I have thought a lot about this matter, and my preferred replacement for "W" is "Wey", pronounced like "curds and whey". It's similarly monosyllabic, but ends on a rising tone that I think keeps it more distinct, and indicates that it's its own word more than "wu", which to me gives more the impression of an exclamation or voiced exhalation.

yet another thing i really like about dungeon meshi:

a lot of ink has been spilled on this idea that "people dont have autism/ADHD the problem is actually capitalism". usually paired with the notion that in agrarian societies being neurodiverget was actually super useful and that neurodivergent people would have been content with menial tasks like sorting berries or watcing over cattle, instead of the modern fallen state in which we find ourselves where we have to go to 9 to 5 jobs and sit in boring offices all day or whatever.

i wont rehash all the reasons this is clearly nonesense, instead what i will do is point out how brilliant ryoko kui was, yet again, for finding the way of eating her cake and keeping it too. dungeon meshi is clearly this power fantasy consisting of "what if your hyperfixation was actually extremely useful and was the thing that allowed you to thrive in this niche field". so in this case laios autism actually works almost as a superpower for him.

but then every single detail we come to learn about his past shows us how incredibly maladapted he was to the life he was born in. he couldnt meet his parent's expectations or those of his town, he couldnt fit in the army as a soldier, living on his own at a caravan he was malnourished, dirty, dressed in tatters and covered in fleas. and even after he manages to establish himself as an adventurer he gets constantly taken advantage by other people.

a lot of the reason why he is thriving in the story is because he is a) in the very specific niche of circumstances where his peculiarities actually are incredibly useful, in a dungeon filled with monsters where he doesnt have to deal with other people and b) surrounded by people who are either just as weird as he is or care about him deeply (or are consumate professionals like chilchuck)

I haven't actually seen Dungeon Meshi, I watched the other popular elf fantasy anime that aired at the same time (Frieren) so it's like my hilarious genie curse that I am constantly surrounded by people talking about Dungeon Meshi instead, but this description reminds me of the core appeal behind isekai in general: A person maladapted to the real world whose specific hyperfixation (usually video games) turns into a superpower when they are sent to a different world. Outside isekai, it's the appeal of High School of the Dead, where a nerdy gun otaku becomes a zombie-slaying badass once the zombie apocalypse descends. It's the appeal of Stein's Gate, where a socially awkward misfit obsessed with time travel is put in a situation with time travel and becomes the hero who saves the day.

And it's the appeal of The Matrix, where a computer hacker learns the world is a computer and gets superpowers.

It's the lament of misfits everywhere. Compared to an otherworld story like, say, Harry Potter, where Harry has no skills at all and isn't even particularly smart but luck and other people and the circumstances of his birth allow him to be the hero, these stories are about (and for) people who DO have a skill, but feel like the current world doesn't properly appreciate that skill.

Attributing this problem to capitalism seems completely off base. We live in a world that encourages, rather than suppresses, hyperfixation and hyperspecialization, especially compared to a pre-industrial world where you were either a farmer (expected to do every possible task that can be done on a farm) or, if you were lucky, skilled labor, in which you did every possible task that can be done by a tailor or a smithy. Nowadays, your job can be a QA tester for a single software product created by a company that has 100 software products, this company being one of a million software products companies all creating different, hyperspecialized software products. Your job can be a doctor who only knows about diseases that specifically affect eyes. Your job can be a lawyer who only knows about the part of the law dealing with divorces. Your job can be a salesman who only sells used cars of a specific type of car brand.

The problem is that this modern world that expects hyperspecialization has, especially as leisure time and access to hyperspecialized information via the internet increases, a tendency to accidentally create people who are hyperspecialized in a way that society has little real use for. (Like people who are hyperspecialized to be good at video games.) A tiny part that doesn't fit in the machine. The dream of isekai is that the tiny part stays the same, but miraculously a machine exists where they are the most crucial component of all.

Does the phrase, “you have too many mandatory reporting obligations for me to talk to you about this”, itself trigger mandatory reporting?

therapist resigned!

“if I asked you a question about whether you have mandatory reporting obligations, would that be sufficient to trigger them?”

“How many meta-levels do I need to go up before a question about mandatory reporting obligations stops triggering them?”

exploit the situation by invoking so many mandatory reporting obligations that your therapist overruns their buffer and starts executing arbitrary code

Is this what happened that time when a therapist called me “David” and then started talking about how a friend of mine had killed himself (he had not)

I should clarify that although I am MtF, my deadname is not David. I have never been called David in any capacity.