Life can be difficult. You come home from a long day at work, go to cook some spaghetti, and then realize what a deeply onerous task it is, so you live out the rest of your days in a pasta-less existence. But this dystopia need never come to pass if you had only looked at your television.
The answer to so many of life's problems can be solved with four simple words: as seen on TV. If you've ever had to carry a garden hose in your back pocket, cast a laser light show on your neighbor's house, peel eggs at lightning speed, or want to get into the Twinkee business, then you just have to turn on your TV and call the toll-free number.
Like toll-free numbers and the TV Guide-like logo that you see on the screen, as-seen-on-TV products are outdated. Who, in this Internet of Things world, needs The Clapper? And yet, late at night the lure to purchase these gadgets can be strong. We urge you to resist, or at the very least, avoid particularly useless ones.
1.
Fone Ring
Wearable technology just got weirder.
Fone Ring makes being married to your phone all too literal. The ring adheres to the back of your phone so you "never worry about dropping your tech devices again." Your friends dropping you is another matter, though.
2.
Dash Cam Pro
No one can beat the
Russian dash cam game. But if you want to try, there's
Dash Cam Pro. One user, Wolverine from Ephrata, gave it five stars: "I Use my dash cam every day I video every Thing I see on the road."
3.
USB Voice Recorder
Say you want to low-key record someone without their knowledge. Would you a) just use your phone or b) place a USB drive conspicuously between the two of you? If you're more of a b then you're going to want this USB drive that's also
secretly a voice recorder.
4.
Park Right
That tennis ball your dad had hanging from a string in the garage has gotten an upgrade (sort of).
Park Right takes the same guiding principle that dad used to prevent him from crashing the car into the garage wall when parking, and turns it into a light that beams onto a windshield and alerts drivers to hit the brakes. Revolutionary.
5.
Win Cleaner
One-click computer repair sounds too good to be true because it is.
Win Cleaner is touted as providing faster start-up times and Internet connections, as well as ensuring your privacy—and it basically
does none of that. (Instead try one of these
tune-up utilities.)
6.
Instant Internet TV Radio USB
Cord cutting is a great way to save a couple hundred dollars a month. Buying the
Instant Internet TV Radio USB is a good way to lose $14.95. What you get is a USB that essentially links to streaming sites you could find through a quick online search.
7.
The Clapper
The Clapper is likely the first thing you think of when you hear "as seen on TV." This classic is famously unreliable, as clap detection is not a real thing. Any loud noise can trigger your lights (or whatever else you have plugged in) to suddenly cut out.
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