🚗🔨💥

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

the toilets in this gamer cafe have this quote on the wall and a speaker absolutely blasting the tetris theme on repeat... cannot describe how hostile this atmosphere is

i like drawing himmm. birthday boy

hey since it’s your first time using weed i figured i’d let you in on a few pointers to make sure you have a safe, fun experience. basically you do as much as possible and imagine the roof getting blown off your house by a storm and giant pterodactyls swooping down to eat you badly ok?

Never ask a man his salary, a woman her age, or Scooby Doo and the Samurai Sword what happens 34 minutes and 51 seconds into the movie

baby animals move like theyre playing a new video game & havent figured out the controls yet

^ just found the dodge button

TODAY'S THE DAAAAAY

[[Image ID: a quoted tweet. Original tweet is by @catacalypt on Mar 28, 2024. It contains a picture of a copper bracelet with ancient writing on it. Tweet reads “in case anyone didn’t already know I DO own a “give me my money back Ea-Nasir” bracelet in Akkadian cuneiform.” Quote tweet is by @rob_heighton on Mar 29, 2024. It reads “I wish no ill upon the owner, but the person who supplied the metal for this had the opportunity to do the funniest thing. End of image ID]]

I have since been informed the producer did do the funniest thing ever because the bracelets are made of brass 🤣

NASA advertising "do you want to be an astronaut" to tumblr users surely means something. What have you found out there, NASA? What have you found that you believe tumblr users, specifically, are best equipped to handle?

if u let ur cat sleep w u PLEASE tell me why in the tags. if i let keppy sleep with w us we would wake up 1000x a night. banishment to downstairs with you foul creature