My hearts been feeling a lot lighter these days, I’m tasting my meals, I’m feeling my feet in my shoes as I walk, I think of love often, and how there is some kind of essential magic that runs wild through this life. there’s still so much I don’t know about the world, about myself, about the way I need, and crave, and dream, but I feel the sun more, I wear my favourite jewellery, I laugh all ugly and honest and full of joy
I still have a million dreams in me, but I’m really thankful for the life I’ve made so far and the love I’ve gotten to experience
No matter how our hearts ache time will keep moving, so plant the garden, write the letter, start the painting, learn something new from someone you love, become something brand new, change for the better, start now and keep on going with everything you’ve got in that glorious heart
Simply knowing you is proof that goodness does exist
There will be summer days that pour over you like love from a good friend, and fruit so ripe and sweet, grown to eat messily over a picnic blanket. Your fingers and chin stained sticky with juice and adoration. The days will be long and the nights will be cool and loud with laughter and hope, buzzing with joy and a taste for the unknown.
Wake up, drink my coffee, kill the self, bring it back to life, repeat until the end
Yeah I guess it is just nice to be alive huh…
Please, please, I just want to be remembered fondly, I want the warmth of an August evening to fill you with memories of me and all the love I tried to give, whether it was warmth or a sunburn it was all in an attempt to reach out and make you feel seen, I didn’t want to be bad and I tried my best not to be, but please remember me for my love, not for the pain I may have caused while I was trying to learn how to live
Once again I’m in horny jail, prudes love to hate a free love bitch 🕊️
I am the kind of person that is force feeding bits of my heart to everyone at the sweaty afterparty, to everyone in the cramped car, on a heatless highway, even in the elevator that’s trapped you alone with me for at least six silent stories, eyes hovering on the red numbers clicking up
Im feeding it to people even when they don’t know me as more than just an idea with dead eyes and an endless supply of tight dresses, even if they have patted their stomachs and swear that they are full, that they couldn’t possibly have another bite, I still slice off a little piece and press it to their lips,
And I say “I’m lonely, aren’t you lonely too?”
And they ask me if the sky is blue?
Actually the yearning gives my life meaning
No because nothing feels better than imagining an image and then using your hands to bring it into reality.. like that image lived in my head and now you can see it and feel something wtf wtf
Feeling the full range of every single human emotion within every 24 hours is a crazy way to live… but I’m rocking with it
Shhh!!! I’m watching a movie in my head!
Happy because I’m alive, sad because my best friends live far away ):
I wish I could reach into my stomach and scoop and scrape the bad feelings right out, I wish I could take the rocks I swallowed- that weigh me to my bed - and throw them back into the bloody river, and I wish I could then sew myself up into something useful, and beautiful and good…
Sometimes you just need to re-pot all your plants in silence, get dirt caked under your finger nails, order an absurd amount of takeout (feel a little guilty about it and move on) grab the cheapest bottle of wine you can find, sit by the light of your lamp under four blankets and read with your phone off, then rent a favourite film, finish the wine, pet your dog, pet your cat, fall asleep to your record still spinning - feeling safe because your bed is full of all your stuff, your sketch book, your novel (that’s bent), your pencil case, your stuffed animals, your orange bottle of meds, if it’s a day off don’t set an alarm, sleep like your body wants to, open your eyes when it feels right, breath until you feel your chest stop aching, until the knife exits the wound, and live and live and live and yes, the pain will come back, it always does, but so do all the good things….so do it again, do it your way, keep living, keep holding out for the good days waiting for you