Him: So what are you looking for?

Me: Honestly, I'd really like a relationship.

Him:

Yeah, sex is great and all. But have you ever had a guy tell you to text him when you make it home safe?

Bakery: *refuses to serve gay people, so we have to travel father out to find places that will accommodate us*

Straights: Well, that's their right to do so. It's freedom of speech. Just go to a different bakery.

Airports and Universities: *Get rid of Chick-fil-A at their locations because of the company's history of donating to anti-LGBT groups, so the straights have to drive a little farther to get their homophobic chicken*

Straights:

I'm thriving up here in pharmacy school

My proudest accomplishment is that I still fit into this shirt from my freshman year of high school

Pride is like gay Halloween

God after seeing them eat the forbidden apple

There comes a beautiful time where you receive your first hate message, and bbye (can't be bothered to spell out your name) I'm so glad it's with you whoever you are (Also that's not how you spell whiny)

I know I look mad, but that's only cause I'm thinking of all dogs I haven't petted

Gay guy: *puts on a little foundation and eye shadow*

Straight White Girls (tm): Oh bitch fierce! Werk girl! That is such a look! Gay guys are so good at makeup henny!

Me drinking water before bed after a night of heavy binge drinking: I am so healthy and good to myself. Self Care tm is so important. My body is a temple and I am watering its garden.

Everybody: Stop calling your dog your brother. He's your pet.

Me:

My vacation is being rained out and my clothes are soaked, but at least I still have my personality

My life revolves around laying by the pool and pretending I'm not pale.

Gay culture is looking up every actor on IMDB and ending up disappointed when you read the line "he lives with his wife in Napa Valley".

When straights complain about not having a hookup app like Grindr that's just for them. Like you guys already got ChristianMingle and FarmersOnly