Cyberphuck

My name is Jack Daniels Mizutani and I have only ever been committed to two things in my life:

1. the bit, and
2. the psych ward.

I will draw stuff for money and don’t have many limits on what stuff or how much money. I draw a lot of things that look like they’re stickers but aren’t because stickers are really expensive to print.

About:

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I don’t know why the Punditry is upsetting me more than usual today but it is. I want to scream and attack the tv with a hammer. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

listening to the soundtrack on max volume today to drown out Dad’s “people yelling over each other” shows

I don’t understand Magus/Marle shippers. I really don’t. I’m guessing it’s just a “favorite male character/favorite female character” thing, but other than that they have zero chemistry and I think of all the cast– even Glenn– Marle may be the only one that Magus actively hates.

Like not in a “I hate you so much that I want to bang you” way (that IS him and Glenn), in an actual “I swear to the gods Crono if you don’t get your girlfriend away from me I’m going to set her on fire” way. The age gap between them is a problem not because of Toxicity but because he is an old man and she is a very young girl (she’s supposedly like 16 but she acts like she’s 12) and they have absolutely nothing in common.

It isn’t ‘opposites attract,’ they really have no common ground whatsoever and conversations between them would be so fucking awkward like “so… how was school? have you been studying?” And I feel like if someone mentioned to him that Marle knew what sex was he’d be *extremely* grossed out.

Lucca? Sure. Ayla? As long as he can catch her before her people invent Pegging. Glenn? Been and done. Robo? He’s had weirder days. Crono? Couple of bottles of soda pop and maybe he’ll let the kid show him his stamp collection.

But not Marle, because she’s annoying to talk to and worse to listen to and the whole 'kidnapping and ravishing the trembling young princess’ thing isn’t really his scene and it’s definitely not Marle’s. (Kidnapping and ravishing a trembling young squire? Maybe. Pass the soda pop.)

Also, again, he’s an old man (spiritually, if not physically). If some young bubbly blonde princess bounced into the room and offered him super sex, he’d reply, “Soup.”

sufficient-tenacity:

cyberphuck:

I thought I had a funny idea for a Shogun/Blue Eye Samurai comic but upon closer inspection the joke just seemed to be “lol Blackthorne and Fowler are both English”

I’d read it

You pretty much read it just now

I thought I had a funny idea for a Shogun/Blue Eye Samurai comic but upon closer inspection the joke just seemed to be “lol Blackthorne and Fowler are both English”

Tfw you solve today’s Wordle in two turns (lucky guess) and you feel like you busted a nut before you’d even gotten to the bed

cyberphuck:

cyberphuck:

Guess who just fell down the basement stairs

Everything fucking hurts this morning, feels like I fell down the stairs last night

Laying here alone in my room, I can clearly hear pop country music and butt rock coming from my fan.

Then a woman said, “I can’t do it but imagine what we CAN do”

Oh the country hoedown went into the closet and faded away

I’ve ever heard atidd come n in so clear be f o w

Guess who just fell down the basement stairs

cyberphuck:

Is it possible that, after filling his island fortress with a maze of insane pitfall-style traps and Edo-period security cameras, Abijah Fowler also took the time to train a bunch of attack monkeys to blow hallucinogenic mushroom powder on intruders? Yes. Is it likely? Also yes.

Is it also possible that Mizu could be stabbed, crushed, stabbed, stabbed, drowned, bludgeoned, speared, stabbed, mobbed, stabbed, drugged, mauled, exploded, bludgeoned, hugged, exploded (again), stabbed, punched, punched, shot, pistol whipped, punched, punched (by ice that she fell hundreds of feet onto) and drowned (again),

And survive?

Yes.

Is it possible that, after filling his island fortress with a maze of insane pitfall-style traps and Edo-period security cameras, Abijah Fowler also took the time to train a bunch of attack monkeys to blow hallucinogenic mushroom powder on intruders? Yes. Is it likely? Also yes.

You are Beloved, and you have left Clerres and are making your way Northward to where you know your Catalyst will soon appear. You were born to farmers, but they were gentle, learned people, keeping their histories in songs and dances that told the story of the love between the azure sky and the ochre earth.

Clerres was a place of opal and pearl, towers wrought with poet’s hands, reaching toward the arc of heaven. The people there were wasps, beautiful but dangerous, allowing no one but their own into the sanctity of their nest. Though you often felt the burn of their sting, you never wanted for soft beds or sweet water or richly spiced food. Good paper and heavy pens and rare inks in every color were pressed upon you, and you often snuck from the warm cocoon of your bed to the vast library, curling up in a chair with a book and reading until dawn.

In Buck, you stop at a roadside inn (the white of your skin and hair disguised) to rest and eat before going on toward Buckkeep. You inquire about a meal and a man takes your coin and points you toward a huge kettle on the hearth, tended by a boy with a finger buried deep in one nostril. When he turns to look at you, he wipes his hand on his shirtfront and then uses the same hand to take your bowl and fill it. There’s nowhere to sit where you won’t be constantly jostled by elbows and hairy arms, so you go to crouch in one corner to eat.

(You have not been provided a spoon, and though you have your own utensils, you’re not fool enough to use them in front of so many people that would be tempted by the flash of silver. You’ve been given a chunk of bread, however, and you are reminded of meals with your family where everyone ate from a single large bowl, scooping up bits of stew with fresh-baked bread. This bread is a few days from fresh, but at least you don’t have to eat with your hands.)

Meal finished, you return to the innkeep and ask where you might have a bath. Then you ask again. You ask a third time, trying a different word for “bath” and then reordering the sentence to make your meaning more clear. He points you to the well outside. He gestures toward the beach. He looks at you, bewildered, and hesitantly gives you directions to a shrine to their goddess Eda.

You mime pouring water into a bowl and he offers you a mug of ale. You indicate a larger bowl, more water, and he begins to point you to the stew kettle again and you smile so that you don’t fucking scream in frustration, then say again, firmly, “Wash. Body.” and pretend to scrub under your arms.

A woman– a minstrel– taps you on the shoulder. She’s recognized the pattern on your cloak as Jamaillian, and speaks to you in that language. There is no place to bathe here, she says, as this inn does not have a tub big enough to sit in nor anyone willing to haul and heat that much water. Buckkeep is only a day’s travel away, and they have a steam-house where they sit and sweat out the dust and grime on their bodies and then scrape themselves clean with salt. In private? No, but there are separate houses for men and women. And worry not, even the guardsmen there will give the bench a wipe if they leave a streak behind.

The tattoo wasn’t so bad. It actually looks quite nice, colorful and lots of dragons, which you like. It hardly hurt at all! You can go back to Clerres, they’ll be so happy to see you, just walk on back, it’s fine, it’ll be great, you could probably even send a message ahead and they’d have someone meet you halfway with a big tub of hot water and a hefty cake of good soap and you can all laugh about this later over a big bowl of hot soup that no one has spat in it’s fine it’ll be fine I’m sure the others can handle it what’s a little Unending Darkness between friends haha let’s go back to Clerres help help help