What, You Knave!

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
thornshadowwolf
homunculus-argument

Apparently a part of the reason why farmed bees stay in the beehives that humans build for them is because the farm hives are safer and sturdier. I don't know how a busy Discord server's worth of bugs that only have one brain cell each would logically conclude that the humans protect them from outside threats, illness and parasites, but if I understood right, the bees would be free to move away and build a new nest somewhere else any time they'd want, and they simply choose not to.

You know how in almost every culture, people have some concept of "if I sacrifice something that I made/grew/produced to the Gods, they will ward me and my harvest from evil"?

So, in a way, don't the bees willingly sacrifice a part of their harvest to an entity not only far greater than them, but nearly beyond their comprehension, in exchange for protection against natural forces wildly outside of their own control?

So tell me, beekeepers, what are you to your bees, if not a mildly eldritch God?

cordyceps-sapiens

I don’t know about other cultures, but in English folklore, when a beekeeper dies someone has to go out and tell the bees.

baconmancr

Imagine you’re a neolithic hunter-gatherer, just hanging out, sacrificing stuff to your god, when a new god you’ve never met before shows up and tells you that your god is dead, it’s not your fault or anything, and maybe a new god will come along to take care of you, maybe not, it’s gonna be touch and go for a while

fox-sama97

Apparently in medieval Europe they also whispered secrets to the bees.

So imagine the mildly eldritch God you worship talks to you and tells you secrets, but these secrets make no sense to you and are incomprehensible to understand or even know they are secrets. But your God does make vibrations at you, so thats probably a good thing right??

Also occasionally the Swarm decides there is not enough room in the Hive because the eldritch god didn't take the offering of Honey at their normal time. So enough of a Swarm builds up that the second queen is able to leave without decimating the first Swarm. They are all set to search out a new place that will likely not have your God anymore (but really that's not too much of a struggle, they have abandoned you, that's part of why you've left, even though the first Swarm still holds out hope for their return).

And then, the scouts find another Hive right next to the old Hive. Literally right next to it. So the Queen lands to inspect it and wow, it's a good deal. The area already has enough food to support 2 Hives, so it's a not problem to stay in the area now that they have the space, but...this wasn't here before.

And then you see God, they've come to help the Swarm move to the new Hive and take the offering from the old Hive. Truly this must have been their plan all along

samyazaz

In English folklore, you ALSO have to invite your bees to your wedding, and decorate their hive, and leave a slice of cake for them, and also bring your new spouse by to introduce them to the hive straightaway. Imagine your eldritch god doing THAT.

eldritchscholar

#these polite beekeepers are just modeling the behavior they would like to see from their own god maybe? #perhaps if we could sting God he would tell us secrets

thornshadowwolf
huffylemon

image
ralfmaximus

Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."

I laughed. "Does that happen often?"

"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."

fem-fatalist

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

thornshadowwolf
femmenietzsche

Guy who learns kung fu, then realizes kung fu can be defeated by MMA so he learns that, then realizes MMA can be defeated by guns so he buys one, then realizes that guns can be defeated by law enforcement so he becomes a lawyer, then realizes that the law can be overthrown so he becomes a paramilitary general, then realizes that naked force can be enveloped by ideology so he becomes a religious leader, then realizes that ideology is primarily determined by the means of production so he becomes an inventor, then realizes that successful invention requires a finely honed mind so he becomes a psychologist, then realizes that the mind is just part of the body so he learns kung fu

papayajuan2019

kids on playgrounds go through this cycle everyday

skarchomp
butchcorgi

i like not knowing how many ace attorney games there actually are because whenever i think i have it right fans suddenly rejoice that capcom finally announced an english release for a years-old spinoff no one else has ever heard of about a guy called some shit like Geoff deKiller

kaibutsushidousha

This post is actually so much better than you intended it to be because the 13-year-old spinoff getting its English release is agreed to be the best in the franchise by everyone who has the correct opinion, and it features the classic Ace Attorney 2 character named deKiller in 3 out of its 5 cases.

butchcorgi

image

are you fucking serious.