The Monster Manual but it's blatantly written by the monsters
mimc Mouth perfec t size for put baby in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort baby sleep soundly put baby in Mimic Mouth. Put Baby In Mimic Mouth. no problems ever in mimmic mouth because good Shape and Support for baby neck weak of big baby head. Amimic Mouth yes a place for a baby put baby in mimic mouth can trust mimic for giveing good love to baby. friend mimic
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#lol #mimics #no one is buying that buddy #but good effort
Oh, sure, when I stick my arm blindly into holes in search of snacks they call me an idiot, but when a mimic octopus does it suddenly everyone's all impressed.
See, I thought this was about D&D mimics, which is funny in a different way. Those mimics would know all about the dangers of sticking arms into random holes! Usually because they themselves are the holes. Chomp chomp.
Concept: a mid-level D&D campaign where the party has settled down to manage their own domain, which – thanks to the enormous wealth and enchanted devices they’ve obtained in their various adventures – is basically a high-fantasy wonderland that enjoys a considerably higher standard of living than the surrounding domains, and whose populace peacefully coexists with numerous magical beings that are considered monsters in other realms.
The trouble is that the Emperor is completely unaware of all of this, and believes the party’s domain to be a grimy, desperately impoverished backwater – a misconception both the party and the populace actively foster as the keystone of an elaborate scheme to weasel out of various feudal obligations they’d otherwise be expected to fulfill.
Or, in plainer terms, it’s a happy shiny romantic fantasy kingdom masquerading as a shitdark low-fantasy hellhole in order to evade taxes.
The campaign’s adventures revolve around coordinating a series of increasingly elaborate measures to maintain the deception, ranging from setting up reverse Potemkin villages for Imperial tax collectors, to concealing the presence of a visiting dragon who doesn’t really understand the need for all the secrecy and keeps unwittingly fucking up the party’s efforts to keep them hidden, to repelling a neighbouring realm’s army without giving away that their defences are much more capable than they have any right to be.
(Naturally, the campaign culminates with a diplomatic visit from the Emperor and their full entourage, who really doesn’t want to be there, but is obliged to take a tour of their vassals’ holdings every so often by some ancient law. Bonus points if the party figures out a way to “accidentally” kill the miserable old bastard without bringing the whole Imperial Army down on their heads in the process!)
@dramaticbanjo replied:
once again, tax evasion appears
Every game designer has their niche. Fantasy tax evasion happens to be one of mine!
(Also, it doesn’t hurt that what I’m describing here is a fantasy version of a practice that really did occur historically. Some medieval communities went so far as to construct entire fake villages and populate them with actors pretending to be wracked by madness and plague whenever the King’s tax collectors came by, while the real village was concealed in the next valley over.)
For some reason at a recent d&d or pathfinder game @thesupersquirrel made a joke about the arch enemy being a mime, and I decided that mime’s are the most deadly opponent because they can have any weapon they can imagine and act out.
The mime you need to be the most afraid of is the one who stands still and mimics pushing a button.
Thanks to some encouragement from @lethalcheeseburger, I have written a thing! 1539 words, featuring a bunch of characters that I made up for different stories. Turns out they’re fun when thrown together.
Also featuring one interpretation of Stabby the Fantasy Roomba.
———
Kigurd fed sticks into the campfire while she waited for the rest of her friends to join her. It had been a long and fruitless day of searching for any word of the stolen soul gem, and she despaired of ever being able to return it to her family home. Most of the people she talked to around here were only vaguely aware of dwarvish customs. She had to explain the concept often.
She perked up at the arrival of Cog and Tylore, a charming couple who reminded Kigurd of her young cousins. They had been tending to their own affairs about town, and were full of good news.
“Hi Kigurd!” Cog exclaimed, talking with his usual speed. “Our business partners should arrive on the next train, and the potionmaker almost has her new batch done! She thinks this one won’t even make me drunk!”
“It probably won’t,” Tylore corrected with a fond smile. “She hasn’t had any goblins around to test it on yet.”
“Good thing I’m here, then!” Cog declared, hands on hips, posing in what he likely thought was a heroic way.
“And it’s a good thing I’m here to catch you when you trip over things,” Tylore said as he took a seat by the fire. “And to make sure you drink water.”
The human wasn’t much taller than Cog, and when they sat they were closer to the same height. Cog wasted no time in joining him on the log.
“I’m glad your day went well,” Kigurd said. “Will you be wanting dinner? Hammer is off getting more firewood, and I was going to cook something.”
“Sure!” Cog exclaimed. “Tylore, do you still have the fish? We can cook that too.”
“Of course I still have the fish,” Tylore said. He pulled an over-wrapped bundle from his shoulder bag and waved it at Cog. “This is not the kind of thing I’m about to lose track of. Fish smell in my bag! I only let you talk me into carrying it because you didn’t have space.”
“And I love you forever,” Cog replied, beaming. “Kigurd, what did you have in mind for dinner? I saw some berries over there that probably aren’t poisonous.”
Before either of the other two could respond to that suggestion, heavy footsteps announced the arrival of one of the taller group members.
“Hello, Swift,” Kigurd called. “Welcome b— What is that?”
TBH, my version of the Drow; were I to do a D&D setting, would be kinda like Elves in their one-with-nature-ness, but for all the horrible underground monsters.
They’d walk around with stirges and thoqquas and slurks following theme around like weirdo Disney Princesses, they would be able to convince a Purple Worm to stop attacking a village with but a song, frolicing within a garden of violet fungi and shriekers, and they’d be less holier-than-thou and more willing to accept oddballs and outcasts than your typical elves.
They’d be good guys of course. The real Underdark villains in my setting would be the Kender, basically revamped as an entire race of Jared Leto’s Jokers, but with the brains of the Heath Ledger version. So, pretty close to the originals really. Also likely made from Halflings mentally “hollowed out” by Aboleths and replaced with a hideous nihilistic will.
Normal elves, of course, would be master chefs/agriculturists rather than maintaining their “woodsy hippie-snob” schtick. Because that makes a weird amount of sense to me, and weird evlen ingredients would be so much fun…
That sounds awesome. And worthy of several books.
Is this in a book? Can I buy it? Where’s that SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY gif? It would make a great coloring book.
(My favorite part is the Quickling taking a selfie.)
[[ Source. Original creator: wats6831. Additional information and images linked under each one. ]]
Universal:
Homemade artisan herb bread, home grown and dried apples and prunes, uncured beef sausage, munster cheese. Made a small bag from cheesecloth and tied it closed.
Discussion thread here.
Dwarf:
Garlic chicken livers, smoked and peppered cheese, spiced pork sausages, hard tack, dried vegetables, dried wild mushrooms.
Discussion thread here.
Elf:
Top left to right: Evereskan Honey Comb, Elven Travel Bread (Amaretto Liquer Cake with custom swirls), Lurien Spring Cheese (goat cheese with garlic, salt, spices and shallots), Delimbyr Vale Smoked Silverfin (Salmon), Honey Spiced Lichen (Kale Chips), and Silverwood Pine Nuts.
Discussion thread here.
Halfling:
From upper left: “Honeytack” Hard tack honey cakes, beef sausage, pork sausage mini links, mini whole wheat toast, cranberry cheddar cheese mini wedge, mini pickles, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, lower right is my homemade “travel cake” muesli with raisins, golden prunes, honey, eggs and cream.
Discussion thread here.
Half-Orc:
Wrapped in cheesecloth and tied in burlap package. Forest strider drumsticks, molasses sweet wheat bread “black strap”, aged Munster, hard boiled eggs, mixed wild nuts.
Discussion thread here.
Orc:
Orcs aren’t known for their great cuisine. Orcs prefer foods that are readily available (whatever can be had by raiding), and portable with little preparation, though they have a few racial delicacies. Toughs strips of lean meat, bones scavenged from recent kills, and dark coarse bread make up the bulk of common orc rations.Fire roasted rothe femur (marrow is a rare treat) [beef femur], Strips of dried meat (of unknown origin) [homemade goose jerky], foraged nuts, only edible by orcs….nut cracker tusks [brazil nuts], coarse black bread, made with whatever grains can be pillaged [black sesame bread], Pungent peppers [Habanero peppers stuffed with smoked fish and olives].
More images here. Discussion thread here.
Gnome:
Pan fried Delimbyr smelt, spiced goat cheese (paprika crusted hand pressed Fontina), Gnome shortbread (savory pistachio), glass travel jar filled with Secomber Red (wine), hard boiled quail eggs packed in rolled oats (to keep safe), dried figs from Calimshan, and Southwood smoked goat sausage (blood sausage).
More images here. Discussion thread here.
Lizardfolk:
Lizardfolk are known to be omnivores, forage for a surprising variety of foods found within the confines of their marshy environs, in this case the Lizard Marsh near Daggerford. Fresh caught boiled Delimbyr Crayfish on wild chives, coastal carrageen moss entrapping estuary brine shrimp (irish moss, dried brine shrimp), Brackish-Berries (blackberries), Blackened Dart-Frog legs (frog legs) on spring sprouts (clover sprouts), roasted bog bugs on a stick!
More images here. Discussion thread here.
Drow:
From top left: Menzoberranzan black truffle rothe cheese (Black Knight Tilsit), Donigarten Moss Snails (Escargot in shallot butter sauce), Blind cave fish caviar in mushroom caps (Lumpfish caviar), faerzress infused duck egg imported from the surface Realms (Century egg), Black velvet ear fungus (Auricularia Black Fungus Mushroom).
This is amazing. Mad props.
New DND character for me — with the help of our DM, we homebrewed a race of fey corgis, and I’ll be playing the party barbarian, Theodore “Tiny Tank” McStubbins.
#dnd #dungeonsanddragons #rpg #barbarian #corgi #dog #doggo #animal #fantasy #art #illustration #procreate #homebrew #artistsoninstagram
That is a great concept. I love the butterfly ears! And I can just hear the maniacal laughter.
New D&D characters. They’ll be fun.
One does magic, and the other laughs like Eddie Murphy. I’ll let you guess which.
