for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits
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Tumblr users on April 1st, 2024
Enrichment in the enclosure!!! *bap bap bap*
ALTWell that was a successful post. Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody!
“Humanize”
A sidebar ad just popped up featuring this text:
…And I didn’t interpret it the way they probably meant.
I’m picturing humans on multi-species space ships “humanizing” things, by adding potted plants to rooms and music to presentations and googly eyes to sculptures.
I’m also picturing the aliens finding all the “humanizing” to be both bizarre and weirdly charming, to the point that alien marketing folks try to cash in on the trend.
They, uh, don’t all do it quite right.
“No, Glorkp, it will be perfect. Have you seen how many Trchlites have taken to wearing human-style ‘hats’? And the elder Cnklton who decorated her carapace with those woogly eyes? The humans’ customs are spreading fast, and we all know how important their pack loyalty is. This will be just what your business needs.”
“But I don’t think dressing my employees in synthetic human-skin costumes will have the desired effect.”
“Nonsense, it’ll be great. Trust me.”
Alien marketing team: “We have to humanize our brand!”
Human crewmember:
Alien who just learned about puns: “HA HA HA I get it! Because they are eyes like those of a human! Human eyes! This is the height of cleverness!”
Human: *bows* “Why thank you.”
Uses for a magic spell that stops momentum:
* to save someone falling off a building; they’ll land safely, if abruptly
* as the Adrenaline Junkie Adventure DuJour; jump off buildings on purpose!
* to stop a fight; suddenly swords / fists / beer bottles are just pressed against faces, and nobody is hurt (embarassed though, oh yes)
* in martial arts training; hold nothing back, but hurt no one
* pranks. Friend is hammering nails? No he isn’t. He’s lovingly caressing them with a hammer. Other friend is practicing his golf swing? No he isn’t. He’s staring into the distance with all the confusion of a golden retriever whose owner only pretended to throw the ball.
And when they go after you in irritation, throwing whatever’s at hand? You have the answer to that! Too bad a stopped punch can easily turn into noogies, though. Stand farther away next time.
I am ENTERTAINED by the fact that Tumblr brought the crabs back, as something you can buy, but only for someone else. You can’t play the crab-clicky game yourself, but you can inflict it on your friends. A+ chaos, Tumblr, perfectly in character.
The cat’s name is Mischief for a reason.
Wow that’s good to know
This technique is so deadly, you can see the exact moment that his soul leaves his body
Yeltsa Kcir. omg
Happy April Fools