This is hilarious and incredibly cool but also a hell of a thing to get exposed to at 4AM, especially the “Horse Wearing Shorts” bit that will be echoing in my head for the next 76 hours. Thank you.
I particularly love the fact that he looks like the “I can’t stop the jam” guy, which is honestly very fitting.
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#memes #centaurs #spacejam #4d space #what a mess of tags those are #vine videos #fantasy biologyGuys do centaurs have to eat both horse food and human food?
Centaur, eating out of a burlap sack of hay like it’s potato chips: So do you guys wanna get Chipotle later?
Centaur: *kneeling on the ground, ripping up bits of grass and eating it*
Nearby horse: *neighs*
Centaur: Well it’s easy for you to bend over, isn’t it?
Horse: *snorts*
Centaur: *through a mouthful of grass* Well goody goody for you, but some of us have two spines.
Human: Hey does somebody want the rest of my burger?
Centaur: Oh I’ll have it. I am starving.
Human: Didn’t you just eat like an entire barrel of hay?
Centaur: *snatches the burger* That was for the horse stomach not the human one. Don’t be racist, Carl.
DON’T BE RACIST CARL
That spine comment made me reevaluate my life
Two spines, two ribcages, and six limbs baby! And a tail! Four shoulders!
This picture makes my intellectual half happy but also causes me great pain
is your intellectual half the horse half or the human half
Head, Abdomen, Thorax.
6 limbs.
Insect.
That last comment hit me so hard I felt like Plato when Diogenes plopped a plucked chicken down and declared it a man
A Centaur has a man-stomach and a horse-stomach. And of course both want breakfast. So first of all he has porridge and pavenders and kidneys and bacon and omelette and cold ham and toast and marmalade and coffee and beer. And after that he tends to the horse part of himself by grazing for an hour or so and finishing up with a hot mash, some oats, and a bag of sugar. That’s why it’s such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weekend. A very serious thing indeed. - C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair
Time for a seasonal Fantasy Biology, and this time my lovely Patreon supporters have chosen the Living Snowman. Not something I’d ever see down here in Australia… or would I, out of their disguise?
Living snowmen are a frequent occurrence in Xmas myths, from the friendly Frosty…
To a creature more my style…
Because of course I look at this pile of ambulatory snow and think “This is clearly a well-camouflaged ambush predator.”
I love the way these Fantasy Biology posts always catch me with something unexpected but so believable.
So I learned something today.
Apparently mini-planets are called centaurs. The reasoning as I understand it is because they’re hard to classify as purely comets or purely asteroids – thus somehow similar to man/horse mythical creatures.
Interesting. But you know what that means?
Pluto is a centaur now.
I feel strangely compelled to draw this guy with extra limbs.
Tinierpurplefishes is going to send me some game minis, and among them is a lady centaur. Now, I have no problem whatsoever with centaurs leavin’ it all hangin out, on a sociological level — breasts don’t have to be sexualized! I think the figure is supposed to be a caster, so I’m not concerned about armor, either.
But.
Think about horses. Think about trotting.
I am firmly of the opinion that in any world where centaurs exist they would be the first species to invent the sports bra.
Either that, or all their young girls are sent off to deportment schools taught by Tennessee Walkers.
That’s an interesting idea! I can see a whole new gender stereotype for centaurs, where the women glide as they run and the men bounce up and down. Tomboy preteens would jump vigorously just to prove a point (then rage against their own biology if/when that grew painful). Little boys with families full of sisters would unconsciously run like girls, then get made fun of when they met other boys.
And this is all assuming that the centaurs have a cultural setup like our own, gender biases and all. It could be very different.
But either way, centaur drag queens would be a glorious sight to behold.
Painted hooves, ribbons in their manes, rouged fur, and the most elegant strides on the planet.
Somebody should write this.
Predators tend to go for the sure thing, right? They know that if they get hurt, they’ll have trouble hunting, and they could die. Large prey animals, on the other hand, know that their own food doesn’t run away from them. You can scare off a mountain lion by flapping your coat to look bigger, but never try that with a moose.
My point, of course, is that a lone werewolf would tuck tail and run at the sight of a couple centaurs ready to throw down.
#of course this is my point #a pack of werewolves would be a serious threat #but one with no backup? #nuh-uh #not gonna get trampled by those hooves #or punched #or jeez is that a branch or a spear? #do centaurs know quadrupedal martial arts? #dang I think that one has a gun NOPE NOPE NOPE #running for it
Oh hey remind me to post photos from my ancient Greek martial arts book that details how to fight a centaur in hand-to-hand combat.
Your what??
I’m worldbuilding and the main races are all half-human. I can’t think of what the centaurs should wear! Like, they’re mostly peaceful except for this one band that goes around raiding the others. And the human half is lightly furred up to the sternum; the skin is the same color as the fur.
Should they even wear anything? I need input.
I’d say they should wear something, if only for decoration/status, since that’s something that intelligent races do. How much clothing can depend on the climate – do they need serious protection from cold, sunburn, thorny bushes, animal attacks?
There’s also the modesty issue. When many/most people draw centaurs, they cover any boobs and leave it at that. Maybe the male centaurs get shirts too, but it’s optional. None of the horsey body parts are clothed (unless it’s battle armor, and then it’s for protection instead of modesty). This is a very human style of clothing. It seems to me that if the centaurs were interested in covering their top halves for modesty’s sake, then they’d cover their genitals too. Though if this is a multicultural world, then using human fashion sense wouldn’t be all that strange.
If you’re looking for horse-half clothes, there are plenty of existing patterns for horse skirts (barding) and armor.
Also drawings of horselike characters in short-shorts (with a third leg for the tail).
…And if you google “horse clothing for horses,” you’ll find real photos of everything from pajamas to costumes to spandex race suits, all worn by real horses. (I was surprised.)
Hope that helped!
centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.
Oh. This. I don’t like this.
#not enough distinct body parts#insects have three#arachnids on the other hand have two#therefore i propose that centaurs are actually spiders hiding a pair of legs somewhere
this is worse
jade how did you manage to make this worse
But centaurs DO have 3 body parts. Insects have head, thorax, and abdomen. Centaurs have a head, a human “thorax”, and a horse “abdomen”.
Instead I propose that insects are arthropod centaurs.
“BEHOLD A CENTAUR”
- Diogenes throwing a fucking ant on the ground
this is why we stopped inviting diogenes to these things
centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.
Oh. This. I don’t like this.
#not enough distinct body parts#insects have three#arachnids on the other hand have two#therefore i propose that centaurs are actually spiders hiding a pair of legs somewhere
this is worse
jade how did you manage to make this worse
But centaurs DO have 3 body parts. Insects have head, thorax, and abdomen. Centaurs have a head, a human “thorax”, and a horse “abdomen”.
Instead I propose that insects are arthropod centaurs.
“BEHOLD A CENTAUR”
- Diogenes throwing a fucking ant on the ground
this is why we stopped inviting diogenes to these things
Did you ever really look at a praying mantis, though?
That looks like a happy little centaur to me.
What do centaurs do with their arms while they run?
Pretty sure they keep them bent and held close when they’re going for speed, since they don’t need to do the whole twist-for-momentum thing that we do. Horse heads bob forward as they run; picture a centaur doing this:
