omw 2 eat some mothrefucking fruit
dreamed tumblr had started saying "les girlies" instead of "the girlies". a common phrase was "le otp des girlies" (the otp of the girlies) which basically meant "an otp shared by me and my friends of exquisite taste". there was some kind of gender discourse about it
"wouldn't it be l'otp" I'll tell my dream producers to brush up on their french thanks for the note
theregiuscollective asked:
Hi! Could you do a sorcerer has been working under a king (or something) for a really long time, and the king is really stone cold and kinda emotionless, but one day a spell/potion goes wrong and the sorcerer gets injured, making the king realize he actually kinda likes the kid? (Sorry about the weirdly specifc-ness)
the-modern-typewriter answered:
“You’re avoiding me,” the sorcerer rasped. They’d woken up in quarters far removed from the bookish sparsity of their own, in a bed softer than any that they’d ever slept in during all of their long years of service, with the best doctors on hand and servants waiting hand and foot.
But they hadn’t seen the king once.
It shouldn’t have stung. The king was an exceptionally busy man, he didn’t have time to sit at the bedside of injured sorcerers stupid enough to get themselves blown up.
It still stung more than the explosion had and that had bloody hurt.
“Thought you’d yell at me, at least,” they continued, recklessly. “What, I screw up once and you can’t even be bothered to do that?”
“You should be in bed, resting,” the king said. “You were badly injured.”
“Did your reports tell you that? You saved my life and now you haven’t even asked me how I’m feeling.”
The king stared at him, as damnably blank as ever. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
Cool. Formal. Polite.
“I mean, my skin’s mostly grown back. So there’s that.” They were being ungrateful. By all accounts that they’d heard - from everyone but the king - his royal highness had been dangerously close when the explosion hit. It had been a few minutes off regicide. They could have got a traitor’s noose instead of a hospital bed. At least a traitor’s noose might get emotional.
“Let me escort you back to your room,” the king said. His hand settled feather-light on the sorcerer’s arm to steady him.
“I’m fine, thank you my king.”
“You’re not fine, you nearly died.” It lashed out of the king’s mouth, loud and sharp enough that the sorcerer startled.
They’d never heard the king raise his voice. He was the king; why would he ever need to?
“You nearly died,” the king said, quieter. His face seemed abruptly exhausted, abruptly haunted, abruptly so many things. “No. You died. I had to restart your heart. I could barely stand to look at you, you were so hurt. I still can’t.”
“I - what?” No one had said anything about that.
The king closed his eyes. Breathed in, breathed out. When he opened them again, he seemed as steady and implacable as ever.
“My king,” a voice came down the corridor, harried. “The Ambassador-”
“Tell him I’ll be a little late,” the king said. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Sire.” Footsteps clipped away.
The sorcerer stared, mind whirling. But just for a second there he hadn’t been implacable. He’d been anything but.
“Oh,” they said, dumbly.
The king took the sorcerer’s arm again, taking their aching weight easily onto himself. “Bed,” he said. “We’ll talk when you’re better.”
“Didn’t you know?” One of the nurses frowned, later. “When you were unconscious, he didn’t leave your sight for a minute. I thought you knew. He was worried sick. Blood all over his ceremonial robes, never seen anything like it.”
Oh.
cannot even begin to imagine the Blade Runner cyberpunk shit this ladybug i found on my RGB keyboard was going through
Well you see minors under 25 years old should not be allowed to get gender reassignment surgery because what if they go to the clinic but instead of giving them a normal penis the nurses mess up and give them the evil penis. That's irreversible
OP which clinics have evil penises
OP please
OP we need to know
OP please
A retelling of The Ugly Duckling, where instead of a swan raised by ducks, it's a peacock egg that ended up being hatched by a chicken, called The Most Annoying Rooster, where instead of being sad about being an ugly outcast, the little peacock goes around like Excuse Me Are You Not Aware Of How Fucking Fabulous I am? And everyone except his mom finds him supremely annoying. The hen who hatched him is just like "no fuck you, my huge fabulous son can beat the shit out of all of your sons, you're just jealous."
Then the farmer whose chickens those are notices that wait shit that Fancy Chicken is in the wrong place, and as he tries to remove the peacock from the chicken coop, he refuses to leave without the hen who hatched him. So being moved to a more appropriate place for a peacock, the hen comes with him. And for the rest of his life The Most Annoying Rooster lives happily ever after as an Only Moderately Annoying Peacock, and if any bigger bird tries to do anything to the little hen, he will peck its fucking eyes out, because that's his momma who was always there for him, so he's always there for her.
I just want y’all to know that one time during lockdown I played a lot of Minecraft because I had nothing better to do and then later I was going to go into my room after a shower so I could go back to being a hermit but it was dark so I just thought “oop, can’t go in there, there’ll be skeletons spawning there and they’ll shoot at me”
And for LIKE FIVE WHOLE SECONDS I didn’t question it and I just turned on the lights and walked out into the living room to wait it out, just thankful I had my pajamas on already so I didn’t have to fight off the shooty skeletons in my dark closet where there might be some creepers too
And then all of a sudden I was like “Wait what the frig skeletons aren’t real” and then just went back into my room
And I think about that a lot. So if ANY OF YOU dare to think that I have any more than three and a half braincells on a really good day, just please remember this and know that you are sorely mistaken
I hate to break it to you but skeletons are, in fact, real. There's one incredibly close to you at this very second
this is like that one summer I played too much chess, and then I was standing in line at the grocery store at a slightly diagonal angle to the person in front of me and I had this light go off in my brain like “weak pawn structure this is your chance” before I realized that it was real life actually.
so i just learned that people fucking dove inside a god damn iceberg and good to know that even for cave divers, who in my opinion are already a special kind of unhinged, and i say that with all affection, there are people even more unhinged than that
I was going to post some Choice Horrifying Quotes from the article, but turns out the whole thing is a horror story and i’m just.
the fact that they got trapped and pulled in and thought they might die three times and were still like “hey what if we do one more” and only didn’t die because they decided to have a meal first??
#//juri speaks#look. i love caves. but there is no fucking way#also not to relate everything to my current hyperfixation but. this could EASILY be a tma episode
yeah you wouldn’t need to change anything for this to be a TMA episode i absolutely agree, the damn thing already tried to kill them three times
okay guys u gotta read it. I was making highlights but it turned into a summary. still. read it. so worth it.
Ok so two people sink down to look around. Jill and her partner. First glimpse of horror (lots and lots of sea creatures) happens. But everything is pretty and they continue on
That’s the sound of their way in collapsing btw.
They find a way out. And then proceed to dive in again
they get out again.
The photos are sublime. So next day, Wes decided, hey, i want to go with you. Remember the camera i tested? We’re going to take even better pictures with it.
so they dive
and the current picks up again
Dude.
They got sucked in, obv. Water pouring down, the three try to get out. Fail. There’s no way up.
And then Jill decides to show human determination and ingenuity. Holy shit.
They get out. They see the boat with the science team, reaching for them. They’re late for two hours, but alive.
i did not manage to find the iceberg photos, but her other stuff is breathtaking
these photos are from some of her other cave dives
I found a picture from the iceberg dive!
