Caffeine and Magix

writing-prompt-s:

Aliens have invaded the Earth’s oceans, ignoring land-based human civilization.

“Cool,” you say and shrug. You and your family have been preparing for an alien invasion for years. You know that your dad is probably shitting himself over not being able to dive into the ocean to fight the aliens, but you’re pretty apathetic.

“You’re taking this awfully calmly,” Agent Sylvester says. He’s been your family’s government watcher since you were born, overseeing what exactly you all trained yourselves in. “I’d think you’d be anxious to put a lifetime of training to use.”

You know your brother is anxious to put his training to good use. The Marines had kicked him out for being “insubordinate” or something and he’s been looking for a fight since. Unfortunately, your family can’t go outside without a government agent tailing you which means most bar brawls get stopped before they get started. You know he hasn’t been in fighting that wasn’t with your family for over two years. The government has never apologized, saying that it’s too dangerous to let any of you engage civilians.

Something about “protecting the general populace” or whatever.

“I mean, it’s happened, right?” you say, shrugging again. “Aliens have landed and they’re not attacking us. Super cool. Now that we know they exist and that they’re not, um, human hostile, maybe Dad will stop hiding in my dorm room to test my situational awareness.”

You roommate had found him. It had been awkward to explain the ripped, fifty-five-year-old hiding behind your winter clothes.

Agent Sylvester has an odd look on his face. “Well, uh, I’m glad that you’re…adjusting to this disappointment adequately.”

You squint at him. “Do–do you want me to be upset about it?” Part of your training is being able to identify body language in over 43 species. You sit up in your desk chair. “You want me to fight the aliens!”

“The US government does not condone violence against the aliens at this time,” Agent Sylvester says quickly. He pauses. “Though, of course, that situation is liable to change. At any moment. So I’ve been assigned to oversee your activities for the foreseeable future.”

“Holy shit,” you say. You can’t help yourself. You start laughing. “For years you’ve been telling me not to get into fights and now– now you want me too! I thought you’d be happy that I’m not shouting on a beach in the hopes an alien will take offense.” 

“That’s not accurate,” Agent Sylvester says, going for stern. In the face of your unrelenting grin, he deflates. “Okay, off the record, yes. I’ve been watching you destroy  your family in training for years. It’s a running bet among my fellow agents regarding how good you actually are. Since you’re unlikely to go full out against your family–”

“The only way to see is if I fight aliens,” you finish, shaking your head. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, my man, but that ain’t happening unless they drag their soggy asses out of the ocean and start terrorizing beach goers.”

Agent Sylvester’s eyes gleam. “Again, off the record, but that may be happening sooner than you might think.”

You think Agent Sylvester just said that the government is trying to provoke the aliens. You think you must have heard wrong. Because that would be treason.

“Right,” you say slowly. “Well, you know where to find me if–if they become hostile.”

“Oh,” Agent Sylvester says with a dark smile, “Oh, trust me, we know exactly where to find you.”

You go back to doing your homework and ignore the sinister look on Agent Sylvester’s face. Not your problem.