Linkedin is the absolutely wrong place to do a movie review, which is why I did it.

I saw Avatar on the giant screen IMAX the other day.

If you're going to see it, do it at an IMAX and preferably in a language you don't speak, like French or maybe Portuguese. They're both nice-sounding languages to listen to even if you don't understand a word.

The reason you want to see this three-hour movie on a giant-ass screen in French or Portuguese is that it's really beautiful to look at and utterly inane. It's a little-known fact that the entire script was generated by a random-access AI CompuTater 3000 Write-O-Matic that was fed every bad movie cliche ever committed to film and spit the whole storyboard out of a dot matrix printer.

The people (blue, cat-eyed, weirdly naked kinda people) trapped in the sinking boat with just a little pocket of air... The same people swimming through the boat and being trapped under a steel grate and seeing air above them... The primitive locals defeating scary war machines with sticks and arrows... The purely perfect native culture juxtaposed against the purely evil modern war culture.

Wrap a couple hundred Write-O-Matic cliches with the worst dialog ever written, and you've got a movie you can only watch in French if you don't speak French. Or Portuguese if you don't speak Portuguese.

But yes, the visuals are fantastic. Gotta give the tech guys credit for that. Great creatures and colors and such. Top-notch. Really. Very good.

It's almost worth watching, but only if you watch it at an IMAX and get pretty fucked up on whatever it is you like to get fucked up on and see it in French or Portuguese... Or put on headphones and listen to Dark Side of The Moon over and over.

Just start the album at the beginning of the movie and look at the pretty pictures and sip bourbon from a flask and enjoy the music it'll probably magically align perfectly and will become a thing stoners do at midnight after a seance.

And spoiler alert. The bad guy gets away so we can have our intelligence insulted again in a few years.

Avatar. The Way of Vacuous Pretty Shit That You Should Only See Really Fucked Up And In French Or Portuguese But Only If You Don't Speak French Or Portuguese Or If You Like Dark Side Of The Moon.