#30daysofwritingwithGrace
#day3growwithgrace
#mentalhealthawareness
"Maybe I am writing this so someone reads it. So they know I tried, that I struggled against my weakness, against this darkness spreading inside of me."
— A paragraph from my diary.
Growing up, I was that brilliant kid everyone liked. Academic success came to me all so easily. Transitioning from the 'A' student to struggling with 'Cs' has to be the most difficult thing that I have faced.
I didn't know it had something to do with the way my brain works— my neuro divergent brain. I felt I was a fool.
How many young people have to live their lives thinking this way about themselves because of a condition that is perfectly natural and could be remedied?
In primary and secondary school, I fed off understanding classes when the teachers taught them. I would do the little revision my brain allows me, and bingo! I was cool, raking in the accolades.
My first year in the university went by with the same theme. I came up 3rd best in my department, despite missing many tests. The same secondary school approach worked.
Things would change quickly though— for the worse. The little self esteem that I had left was crushed when I started struggling with my courses in my second year.
We'd gotten to a point where lecturers didn't care so much about anyone understanding the topics. So I had to go and study the topics from scratch on my own, and there, my biggest weakness was exposed.
Because of my ADHD, my brain found it difficult to focus on boring topics and despite my best efforts, I often turned up to exams knowing I wasn't prepared enough. I never had to struggle so much to make excellent grades for the better part of my life. But all of a sudden, I was struggling hard, harder than ever, but with little to show for it. I never knew what the problem was. I thought it was me. I ended up hating me.
It's easy to attribute my eventual descent into depression to just my academic woes. However, writing from a point of view of better knowledge now, I see it isn't. It was just the last straw. The only thing I had left was taken from me.
I need photo math account any one who wants to sale