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God Attempts To Write A Novel In Seven Days
Creating the world was easier than this.
In the beginning, God had an idea for a novel. The idea was a half-baked, formless void, since he’d just come up with it in the shower, but he saw that it was good — no, great. Possibly the greatest idea of all time, even greater than time itself (which he’d created last week).
God said, “Let there be light” and turned on his desk lamp. He saw that the light was good, perfect for penning his soon-to-be bestseller. Next, he took out his MacBook Pro and pounded out the first draft of Chapter 1, and he saw that it was good.
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On the second day, God reread his first draft and saw that it was a total piece of crap.
I use the word “good” too much, he thought.
So he started revising, and he worked for so long that, after a while, he couldn’t even separate day and night.
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On the third day, God wrote a paragraph, deleted it two minutes later, changed the word “said” to “conjectured” to sound smarter, switched his font from Arial to Times New Roman and back again, spent two hours writing one sentence, changed the point of view from third person limited to first person omniscient, and wrote a seventeen-page prologue. Then he saw that he…
