Caffeine and Magix

storiessomeoneshouldwrite:

You’re trying to get netflix to work and it’s not listening to you so you just laid down on the floor, what are you doing?

“Listen,” I say. The hardwood isn’t as soft as I’d expected and my nose is definitely not supposed to be bending the way it is, but I need to get as close to possible. “Listen, I know we’ve had our differences but this is for real, I’m ready. I’m ready to deal.”

The smell of brimstone fills the air and the temperature shoots up. I don’t move, too exhausted to properly appreciate the fog that filters into the room or the smart suit the man who’s just appeared is wearing.

“Deal?” the man says, sinister and seductive. “Why, I thought you’d never– wait. Wait.” 

He paces away from me, towards the TV and then to my computer. I know what horrors he must be seeing. 

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“Please tell me that you’re not dealing for what I think you’re dealing for,” the devil pleads. 

“I’m not dealing for what you think I’m dealing for,” I obediently tell the floor. I find it in me to turn my head so I can look up at him with one eye. “But in the off chance I am, what would you say? Soul when I die or ten years?”

“I offered you riches beyond your wildest dreams!” the devil hisses. “Immortality, fame, power! And you–you–!” He takes several calming breaths. “It’s fine, I’m cool, it’s fine.”

I squint at him the best I can from my prone position. “You don’t sound fine.”

The devil snarls at me and snaps his fingers. A scroll thunks onto the floor in front of my face and he crouches, signing it angrily. “I get your soul when you die to do with as I please. No negotiations, no interest rates, blah, blah, blah, sign.” He thrusts the pen at me.

Weakly, I pull one arm up to grab it. I hover over the paper. “I sign and you’ll fix it? You’ll make it work?”

“Yes,” he hisses and the room flares red. “I will make Netflix work perfectly for you for the rest of your life.”

My heart starts beating quickly. I wonder if this is what love feels like. “For my entire life? Holy shit, deal.” 

I sign quickly. Too disgusted to even hang, the devil pops out of my living room without another word.